Shape Shifting


Have ya ever gone into the store, desperate to find a pair of pants that will fit right, look right, and cost the right price, while meeting your demands for both dress and casual wear?  Me too.

I will tell you that it is a major frustration for me these days, shopping for clothes.

I’m between sizes.  Maybe you women can relate.  Everything I have at home is too big, and the next size down is too hoochie to wear in public.

This past weekend, I thought I had found a pair of women’s pants that fit the bill.  They were the right color. They were on sale.  They were the higher of the two sizes I am wearing right now, but as I explained previously, the lower size looks indecent to me.  I tried them both on, and I decided that although my hope is to be a size smaller by the end of October, the reality right now is that I need pants, and I need them STAT!  I bought the higher size and headed home, happy with my purchase.

Then Monday came.

On Monday, I got ready for work and put my new fancy pants on before heading out.  As I put my top on and worked to smooth the back of my front, I felt something sticking up from the pockets of my new pants.  “Whaaaaa,” say I, “what in the world is that?”

You can imagine my surprise when I found that the new office attire I had purchased was bejeweled with various size gems on both pockets in the back.  Ugh!  How could I have missed that at the store?  The absolute last thing I need as I head out to my job on a Monday is bejeweled pockets on my pants.  I do not enjoy wearing a flashing light on my butt that says all day long, “Look over here. See what’s going on over here. Have you ever seen anything like this lately?”

No, I do not need that kind of exposure.  Those babies had to come off, and come off they did. Right then and there I used my emery board and fingernails to scrape, pop, crunch, and snap those glittery billboards from off my khakis and into the garbage bin.

Now, I was set to leave for work.

Small inconvenience, right?

Not a big deal, right?

Took care of that one easy enough, right?  Wrong!

I get to work and I start moving around a bit and realize that these pants are too big.  Really too big!  The material they are made of is wayyyy more stretchy than I expected, but I can’t take them back now because I had de-bejeweled them.  [Insert sound of mother bear defending her cub here].

I should have gotten the smaller size.  Ugh.

I complained to my co-worker about my misfortune, because we all know that misery loves company.

Then…at lunch…I go to the Flying Cow for something to eat, and when I get outta the car and try to put my keys in my front pant pocket, I find they won’t go in there.

“What the heck!” I say, under my breath.

I lift up my top to see that the pockets I thought I had in these new, fantastic, gonna-fix-all-my-problems pants are not real!

They aren’t real! 

They are fake pockets.  Mere thread and design, with no opening, no lining, no space under the outter pant…no nothing!

My take away from this experience:  It’s nice to lose weight, but it sucks to be between sizes!


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