Are you one of those people who shoot from the hip? Me, too.
I don’t usually drop truth bombs around town, but I do have a reality pistol I carry as a side arm most days. It’s not an Uzi, like my friend carries in her hip pocket, but my pistol can do just as much damage if it discharges at the wrong time.
Stay with me as I develop this thought.
I’m not saying I enjoy being someone who lacks tact, but some days I do. Somewhere along the path of life, when tact was being handed out to those smart enough to ask for it, I was off day dreaming.
I might also have been eating a candy bar, I’m not sure.
I definitely was not in the room, though, this I know. If I had been, I would handle delicate situations better. I would have more patience with people. I would display “adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues” (which, by the way is the very definition of tact).
Regrettably, I am not that person.
I am not adroit when stressed. More likely, you will find me clumsy at such times. I wonder why that is? I surmise it is because I’m using all my clever wit and wisdom during stressful times to figure out what the heck is going on with this person/place/thing, and how to solve the problem staring me down.
I’m big on solving things.
Solvers aren’t good sympathizers, or so I have observed. They don’t listen well. They jump to conclusions, and run ahead, and occupy themselves with the solutions, instead of focusing on standing by and supporting.
They yearn to do the heavy lifting for others, but what do we learn when somebody else is always doing the heavy lifting for us?
If I had any faith in new year’s resolutions I would resolve to be more tender, more gentle, more patient, less talky and more empathetic with others in 2016.
What am I left with then? Just this. If you come to me wanting answers, wanting alternate perspectives, seeking to solve problems, or in need of some brainstorming, I’m your girl.
If you come looking for candy bars, I will get you one.
If, on the other hand, you just want to vent, run something by someone, share a burden or otherwise commune in quiet friendship, I can do that too, BUT (and this is a big but), you have to warn me first. Give me a clue what you’re up to by saying something like, “I just need someone to hear me on this.” Or, “Can you give me a few minutes of your time–no answers–just time?”
That kinda cue works best with me. Frankly, I’m a lil oblivious most of the time, so I need direct, not subtle. Truth: I can listen without talking–it’s just harder for me than most. 😉
When has a friend come to you asking for your time, instead of your solutions? How have you taught yourself to be more tactful over time?