Fuzzy Communications

I’ve been speaking to the Lord lately about the fuzzy communications I have with Him.  I sometimes have a hard time determining whether it is Him speaking or my own agenda I hear rattling around in my head.  I don’t know about you, but discerning God’s voice has always been a need for me. I want to know that when I hear something inspiring in my head or in the world, that it is of God and not some human suggestion that is doomed to fail if I try it.

My life is a continual search for truth, as it is for many, but dang, sometimes it’s a hard search providing questionable results.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching the last six months–trying to find out where God wants me…what He wants of me…who He wants me to commune with…what he wants me to do.  Its confusing to understand when you have a brain that processes like mine.  Up in that cabeza of mine it is busy all the time!  My mind is like a little sewing factory, with machines clattering, people frantically sewing, and factory foremen and women milling around and barking out commands like “Be quiet!” and “Get to work!” and “Aren’t you done with that, yet?”  It’s dizzying up there on the mezzanine, looking down on all this and knowing it’s going on inside me.

Can you say CHAOS?!

So here is what I’m up to now: Asking God to please give me a clue about what the knowledge of His will is for my life is and the courage to live it out.

Simple, right? But not easy!

The Healing Journey has helped a lot with the “getting engaged and working on that spiritual disconnect” piece of my personally chaotic life, and I’m thankful that I signed on for the program this year.  Through TJH, I’ve been given a workable method for dealing with some of my confusion.  I’m moving forward and making progress. Yay!

What I’m still having a problem with though, is being able to definitively hear God’s voice over my own. I guess that’s part and parcel of the struggle that comes of meshing the divine with humanity–God speaks, but it gets all twisted up in my frail and human perceptions of things.

Today, though, I felt a glimmer of hope as I came across a devotional that seemed to speak very directly and with godly import about my confusion.  I’ve included that devotional below for all of you to read and some of you to absorb.  Soul searching is hard work, but I think it’s beginning to pay off.

Truthfully:  Almost everything written in this devotional speaks to my soul about work I still need to do. Lord, help me as I set about it today. No more stalling, no more avoidance, and no more procrastinating.

Sin makes you stupid, and I don’t want to be stupid, so I guess I better deal with the sin. Now! Today!  Let’s go!!!!

Enjoy the following, and if you find it convicting in any way don’t feel bad. I did, too!


The following is a devotional from a favorite book of mine entitled: Inspiring Faith 365 Days  a Year:

Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Hebrews 12:1

Why wilt though defer thy good purpose from day to day?  Arise, and begin in this very instant, and say, “now is the time to be doing; now is the time to be striving; now is the fit time to amend myself.”  Unless thou dost earnestly force thyself, though shalt never get the victory over sin.  –Thomas a Kempis

The easiest step and the hardest step is the first step.  What’s keeping you from getting started? Why are you wallowing in a self-destructive attitude or habit that deep down you want to be rid of?

  • Someone you won’t forgive.
  • A temptation you run toward rather than away from.
  • An area of your life that is weak and needs strengthening.
  • A sin from your past that needs restitution.

Is it laziness?  Is it procrastination?  Is it stubborn pride?  Is it a sense of defeat before you even start?

Today is your day. It won’t be easy, but you can succeed, with God’s help. Take the first step.

Lord, we’ve lived with defeat too long. Please help us make the move, the first step toward recovery and a new life. Amen.


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